Man Shoulders

I was born with the widest shoulder span of any female in the entire world.  You may think I’m being dramatic but I was adopted out as an infant and I feel this may be why.  My birth mother was traumatized by my birth and possibly injured and just couldn’t take looking at me every day for the rest of her life.  Poor lady.

Anyway, my shoulder span width (SSW) has caused some strange situations throughout my life.

Like the times (I wish I could say it was only once) when I became caught in a dress in the dressing room and couldn’t get myself out of it.   Jumping up and down in a panic, trying to wiggle out of a dress is humiliating and always makes me a little sad. And then the horror of what would happen if I couldn’t get out of it.  Would I have to hop to the cashier to pay for a dress that I have to spend the rest of my life in?

I remember being a kid, trying on clothes and my mom would always remind me about my wide shoulder span. “Wow, you’re like a linebacker.” Between her comments and always having to buy a size up in shirts (to accommodate “the” shoulder span), I have no idea how I’ve escaped therapy.

*According to Cosmo, I’m an inverted triangle. Sounds cool, huh? And it looks really awesome on people in shape. I’ll leave it at that.

Traveling by plane is no easy task with SSW.  Definition above.

The flight attendant announces that the flight is full and to find any seat available. The people already seated are either trying to avoid making eye contact with those looking for a seat or they are looking for a very small man or a female to take that dreaded “middle” seat that is left remaining.

My overall body would suggest that I’m a pretty good candidate for the middle seat and many have been fooled.

Same scenario every time….

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” (I was raised properly)

Aisle seat person doesn’t even answer, just gets up and lets me through. People get so cranky while traveling. Anyway, I always dig through my backpack (the one I stole from my kids 20 years ago) for:

Magazines (HGTV magazine but only if Mrs. D passes them on to me)

Book (that I never read)

Gum (My ears still pop and feel plugged but my mom said to chew it, so I chew it)

Reading glasses (cause I’m blind and I carry a pair in every bag and have a pair in every room of the house)

Then I stuff my backpack under the seat and strategically, place my purse alongside it (All items must be placed securely under the seat in front of you).  After that, I place my above items in the pocket of the seat in front of me. This whole scenario takes around 3-4 minutes and the entire time, the aisle seat dude and the window seat lady are thinking this flight won’t feel too cramped…until…

I finally buckle my seatbelt, sit back and try to avoid eye contact as they realize I have big and tall man shoulders otherwise known as SSW.


One shoulder is a little hunched in due to the fact I had to take my own picture (my family can’t deal with me).  Otherwise, my “span” would be even wider!  See what I’m talking about?








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